“The Vampire Diaries” 418: Keep Your Frenemies Closer

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries

Elena and Rebekah, having embarked on their Tour For the Cure, arrive in some sleepy town having ditched Damon’s convertible for a serious upgrade. Who’d they have to kill to get that? No seriously, who did they have to kill?

They’ve hit that stage in every road trip where they’re both on each others’ last nerve. Elena refuses to drive one more mile until she gets someone to eat. She spots a random townie getting into her car and zoops up to her. She vamps out right there in broad daylight but before she can sink her fangs in the townie exclaims, “Katherine, what are you doing?” Townie understands that most folks are fine with being fed on from the neck but she prefers it from the wrist.

Rebekah’s impressed: “Conniving little bitch has compelled the entire town!” Title card!

Elena and Rebekah question the townie and quickly discover that she likes Elena’s new ‘do; and also Katherine is living under the name “Katherine Pierce” which is the name she’s been using since at least 1864 so why all the false identities from Will over the years? They also discover that Katherine has compelled everyone to forget her unless she’s speaking directly to them and that Katherine has a secret that the townspeople have also been compelled to forget.

The Brothers Salvatore arrive where the ladies abandoned Damon’s ride. Stefan exposits that Sheriff Liz tracked the car. Damon snits, “Remind me to send her some mini-muffins.” He further exposits that Liz tracked the car they stole after stealing Damon’s and it’s in Willoughby, the “creamed corn capitol of Pennsylvania.” Damon upgrades Liz’s gift basket from muffins to champagne. I’m sure she’d enjoy both, Damon, so don’t skimp.

Damon bright sides that if Becks does take the cure she’ll be human and he can kill her right away. Stefan dark clouds that if that happens then Elena’s a vampire forever. Damon agrees that a non-human Elena isn’t worth having (I so do not agree with that statement) so puts aside thoughts of revenge, for now.

Back in Mystic Falls Klaus is writhing around on the floor half naked. It’s pretty sexy even with the bloody gaping wound in his back. He’s trying to retrieve the super-stake tip that Silas left embedded in him last episode. He can’t get it even after dislocating both shoulders to increase his reach.

Caroline arrives and Klaus tells her about the attack. He feels like he’s dying. Caroline cradles his face and looks into his eyes with compassion and says, “As much as I would love to watch you die you still haven’t found me that cure.”

Ah, so it is The First after all. They’re not even trying to pretend this isn’t a direct lift from Buffy and honestly, if you’re going to lift from Buffy why on Earth would you lift from season seven? Klaus demands to see his real face but Silas swears unending misery until he has the cure and vanishes, leaving Klaus on his knees on the floor. Still half-naked.

Back in Hooterville the Rowdy Girls drop by the post office to see if there’s any mail for Katherine. The postman comments on Elena’s hair, wondering how she changed in in the last two minutes. Realizing Katherine must still be nearby, the girls split up. Elena spots a possible in her car but discovers it’s not Katherine when Katherine takes her from behind, slamming her up against a mail truck.

Before she can kill Elena Rebekah takes her from behind and throws her to the pavement.

The Rowdy Girls and Katherine have found themselves a booth at Mel’s Diner, where Elena demands the cure. Katherine wonders why Elena didn’t preface her remarks with mention of Jeremy’s death at her hands and from Elena’s “shit happens” response deduces that Elena’s pulled her emotion chip. “So sad for the boys, though, their precious snowflake of human frailty, gone.”

Katherine moves to “grab some menus” but Rebekah pins her hand to the table with a fork. They angry kitty at each other for a minute while Katherine compels a passing waitress to forget the honking big fork sticking out of Katherine’s hand.

Elena’s tired of the shilly-shallying, noting that the boys are on their tails. Becks tries to compel the cure out of Katherine but she’s on vervain. Plan B is torture but before that can commence we waste more time explaining again some more that Katherine wants the cure to barter her freedom from Klaus.

Elena calls her a pathetic victim and wonders where in her plan is the part where she screws them over. She says she has no reason to screw them over, which is not the same thing as saying she isn’t going to screw them over. She insists that she’s changed. They believe her about as much as I do and snickersnag her phone. Katherine has a meeting with someone called “em” at 2:00.

The presumably real Caroline arrives at the Haus of Klaus, where he remains half-naked on the floor. Klaus roars at her to stop hounding him and Caroline’s like I’m missing three prom committee meetings for this. Klaus drags himself onto a bench and tells this Caroline about the Silas attack. She’s non-plussed that after all he’s done he thinks she’s interested in helping him but he reminds her that as the head of everyone’s blood line if he dies, everyone dies. She agrees to cut the fragment out.

Damon and Stefan arrive in Hooterville and discover the Rowdy Girls’ stolen car. Stefan wonders how they’re going to get Elena back to Mystic Falls when they find her, and isn’t that maybe a discussion you could have had before you left home? Damon’s answer? Whatever it takes.

Over at Mel’s Diner Elena emerges from the ladies’ room, having changed her makeup to impersonate Katherine. Becky’s verdict: “Not slutty enough. Maybe more eyeliner.” Elena demands Katherine’s accessories. And her jacket. And shoes.

As Elena waits in a gazebo for “em” to show, Rebekah taunts Katherine back at Mel’s Diner for having to compel the townspeople into liking her. Katherine shoots back that once Rebekah takes the cure she’ll still be as messed up as she is now and won’t even being able to compel herself a friend. Becky’s witty retort is to start twisting Katherine’s hand off but before she can the Salvatore boys break it up. Stefan asks after Elena.

She’s still in the gazebo when a voice behind her says “Katerina.” She turns and see Elijah. My god that man can wear a suit.

I assume they exchange some words but I’m too busy staring and sighing and doodling “Elijah Elijah Elijah” on my notebook in sparkly pen to pay attention. He kisses her and Elena goes from WTF to I’m OK with this in about four seconds. They kiss all the way through the commercial break and after about three more sentences Elijah twigs that it’s Elena and demands to know where Katherine is.

She’s at Mel’s Diner with the rest of the gang, where Rebekah is imagining a scenario in which the brothers force the cure down Elena’s throat and then lock Becky in a box until the Sun explodes. Katherine first suggests checking the morgue for Elena then spills that she’s off to meet Elijah who will instantly figure out the switch and yank out Elena’s heart. When she tells them that she’s banging Elijah the table goes “ew!” in unison. I agree; Elijah could do so much better.

Stefan explains to Becky that if Elena dies she’ll have no chance of finding the cure and further deduces that Katherine is going to broker her deal with Klaus through Elijah. Somehow this exchange persuades Katherine to take them to the cure.

Back at the Haus of Klaus Caroline is digging around in Klaus’s gaping wound with, Jesus, are those gardening shears? She can’t find anything and he thinks she’s not digging deep enough. “You killed a dozen witches for your friend Bonnie; you can’t even get your hands a little dirty for me. Here I thought we were becoming friends.” That…makes no sense.

She twists the shears in the wound and Klaus screams in pain. She apologizes, then retracts it immediately, saying he deserves to suffer for what he’s done. Then she tries to change the deal. She’ll only help if he lets Tyler come home.

Having checked the gazebo and finding no one there, Stefan calls Elijah from Katherine’s phone.

They spit and snarl and hurl threats back and forth until Elijah hangs up and Elena pronounces them both idiots. They go back and forth some more and Elijah is distressed to learn that Katherine killed Jeremy and lied to him about it. Elena: “I hate to say I told you so…but duh!”

Katherine leads Damon and Becky to a modestly appointed home where they mock her design sense. She opens a hidden safe and gasps that the cure is gone. Damon and Becks are like, pull the other one, sister. Katherine refuses to give up the location and, after stopping Rebekah from killing her, Damon suggests they search the house.

He tries to think like a paranoid sociopath, which is not even a little bit of a stretch, to figure out where she’s hiding it. He spots an ornate treasure chest in her fish tank, which is curiously devoid of fish. He reaches for it but his hand burns because the tank is laced with vervain. Damon picks up a net but before he can dip out the box Katherine takes him from behind, plunging his head in the tank and burning his pretty, pretty face.

With him incapacitated she snatches the chest (and I guess doesn’t burn because she’s dosed?) and makes for the door. Becky blocks her and demands the cure, or she’s dead. Katherine, rightly thinking she’s dead either way, throws the cure into the air and when Becks dives for it makes her escape.

Damon, still sizzling like a shrimp at Benihana, implores Rebekah not to take the cure. She tells him not to even bother since she knows as well as he does that he doesn’t want Elena to take it. He has no response and, as Stefan arrives a moment too late, she downs it and collapses.

Klaus can feel the splinters moving closer to his heart and begs Caroline to help. She is implacable, insisting on his word before she moves. They fight about trust issues and how everybody’s tried to kill everybody else and he tellingly roars “I will not have my hand forced by you or anyone else!” She turns from him and he zoops in front of her and demands that she not turn her back on him. She screams, “I should have turned my back on you ages ago!”

Klaus’s face softens and he realizes that his pain is gone. Silas got inside his head and placed the pain there but Caroline was able to take his mind off it and end it. Caroline wonders, if Silas can inflict that kind of mind game on Klaus, what he can do to the rest of them.

As Rebekah lies passed out the brothers fight over whether Damon could have kept her from taking it. Becky revives with a gasp.

Elijah reminds Elena that he knows what it’s like to lose a brother and that he hopes one day she will find her way back to herself. Just like he hopes Katherine will find her way back to herself, she asks? He understands that it’s possible the sweet girl he fell in love with centuries ago may be gone but that he has to believe she’s in Katherine somewhere. Elena says that he is making the same mistake that Damon and Stefan are with her, thinking that the former Elena is coming back when she’s not. Elijah hopes she’s wrong since the world needs compassionate soul like hers.

“Your compassion is a gift, Elena. Carry it with you, always and forever” Elena quotes, from the letter Elijah wrote her in season three. She tells him she enjoyed watching that letter burn along with everything else from her old life, including her brother’s body. Before he can respond, Katherine takes Elena from behind, snapping her neck. “Sorry. I got held up.”

Stefan asks Becks how she’s feeling but before she can bust out a chorus of “I’m Alive” from Xanadu Damon flings a letter opener at her face. She catches it and watches in horror as the cut on her hand heals. The cure was a fake, which we knew since this isn’t the season finale.

Katherine cracks wise about Elena’s temporary dirt nap but Elijah confronts her about killing Jeremy.

She calls Jeremy “collateral damage” and a means of survival and he wonders if that’s all he is to her, a means of survival. To quote Elena, duh! She swears up and down that of course he isn’t like every other man she’s used over the last 500 years because she lurves him. There isn’t a playwright in the world who could make him believe this would happen between two adult people and he turns to go. She catches him, begging him to keep his word about interceding with Klaus. This suddenly makes the whole thing believable. He tells her goodbye.

Later that evening Katherine goes to the home of the random townie from earlier. She retrieves the cure she’d stashed there.

Katherine catches up with Elijah and tells him that he’s right. She spent so long lying to survive that she believes them herself. She wants him to help her find out who she is. She produces the cure and hands it to him. She says she could try to feed it to Klaus and kill him but if she does she’ll lose Elijah. He suspects this is another lie but she insists she meant what she said about her feelings and she needs him to trust her like she trusts him. She hands him the cure and says he owes her nothing. It’s up to him to decide where they go from there. She walks away.

As does Elijah, and he runs into Rebekah.

She chides him about his involvement with Katherine, which is not a great strategy for getting what only he can give her, then asks for the cure so she can “silently judge” him somewhere else (another poor choice). He asks why she wants it and she tells him she wants to live a simple life as a human and when that life ends, it ends. She wants to live her life as she wants to live it, not as Klaus and Elijah want her too. She implores him for the cure.

Before he can respond her phone rings. Let it go to voice mail! It’s Klaus asking for an update. She says that it’s become complicated and offers to let him talk to one of the complications. She hands the phone to Elijah, who says, “Complication speaking.” Heh.

Klaus is delighted. Elijah tells him he’s bringing the cure back to Mystic Falls and that his list of demands is surprisingly short. They hang up and Caroline pops back in, informing Klaus she’s used up all of his bleach. He thanks her for her help. She tells him not to call if he needs more help because she has a prom to plan. She turns to leave and he says, “Friends, then?” She asks if he’ll let Tyler come home and he points out that he’s not really looking for Tyler all that much. Well no, because you told us a couple episodes ago that Tyler’s punishment was the banishment.

Damon fesses up that he let Rebekah take the fake cure because he couldn’t think of a single reason to give it to Elena. Then when Rebekah took it he realized how colossal a mistake it was and he’s sorry. Stefan replies that they’re doing the same thing Katherine’s been doing, repeating their same mistakes over and over. He can’t keep doing it. He’s going to take a shot at getting Elena the cure and then he’s going to cut her out of his life to make a life of his own.

They join Elena at Mel’s Diner. She tells them that they have to accept that she does not now and will never want the cure. Damon’s like hell no and Elena says that if they don’t accept this there will be consequences. Stefan reminds her that he was in the same place she was and she didn’t give up until she pulled him back from the edge.

The waitress stops by to top off Elena’s coffee. Elena snaps her neck. This is the first consequence of refusing to accept her decision. If they keep it up there will be bodies on top of bodies on top of bodies and it will be all their fault. She departs and Damon wonders if Stefan still thinks cutting and running is his best option.

Question: If Daniel Gillies challenged Matt Bomer to a suit-wearing contest, who would win?

Answer: We all would.

Another really solid episode. The parallels between Klaus and Caroline’s situation and Elijah and Katherine’s were well drawn and considering they involved not one but two Originals quite compelling. As always Nina Dobrev demands praise for her work, bringing the distinctions between Katherine and Elena and working very well in an episode that from a production standpoint offered her some pretty big challenges. And both Candice Accola and Joseph Morgan deserve kudos for their scenes together, even though I can barely bring myself to care about their storyline.

I am a little confused by a couple of things. Are we to believe that, despite seeing the super-stake breaking off in Klaus’s back from an angle that Klaus could not have seen, Klaus was simply tricked into thinking that the tip had actually broken off? And, since he’s no longer a witch, how does Silas make himself appear as other people?

The Vampire Diaries is taking a break and will return April 18. Which is my birthday, so you all have plenty of time to shop!

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  • March 29, 2013 7:38 am

Friday Puzzler: “Bunny Trail”

The AfterElton Puzzler

Time for another one of those time-wasting yet hopelessly addictive online jigsaw puzzles! We’re not going to give you any hints, but if you want to see the finished product then click here.

Move the pieces around with your mouse — they will snap together when in the right place. How fast can you complete this puzzle?

Care to time yourself?


Fast Distraction Version

Challenge Version

You can find previous puzzles here.

Teaser Photo: 
  • snicks
  • March 29, 2013 5:25 am

“American Idol” Recap: 25 Observations About Another Pretty Boy Elimination

Guys, tell me if I’ve had a little bit too much of Paula Abdul‘s Percocet margarita, but are we on our way toward all-female top five? I’m both giddy and a little unnerved. Are these results doctored? I’m scared of the truth. But I’m ready for the truth, if it means the Top 5 reign of <3 Amber <3. Or Candice or NOT ANGIE.

Anyway, here are 25 fiiiiine observations from last night’s perfectly palatable elimination show.

1. Ryan Seacrest announces this is the 450th episode of Idol. I’m starting to think they’ll never resolve that Brian Dunkleman subplot. 

2. Uhhh, Lazaro wore white suspenders with a white belt (Nerd alert? Emily Dickinson alert?), a gold bowtie, and a palm tree-emblazoned dress shirt. I hope it was a Holy Thursday outfit, because I sure wanted to crucify him.

3. The top 8 sing the unthinkably dated “That Old Time Rock ‘N Roll.” My soul = not soothed. If I were one of the remaining dudes, I’d have interrupted the song and declared, “PLEASE take me to a disco.” 

4. Jimmy Iovine just questioned whether Angie Miller should be allowed to pick her own songs, which is pretty ballsy coming from a man who presumably picks out those baseball caps and windbreakers for himself.

5. Amber is wearing shoes that look like rollerskates and orthopedic nightmares. That’s knowing your audience.

6. So, Kree getting that phone call from Aretha Franklin? Monumentally bad-ass. Loved Aretha’s compliment about Kree’s performance of “Don’t Play That Song”: “You put that one away!” 

7. Man, Lazaro looks like a shell of a human being in these past weeks. He’s still decimated from all the vitriol. 

8. Colton Dixon did a great job (of looking like Jane Child). 

9. Tell me more about about this “Christian Albums” Billboard chart, Colton. Who dictates what’s considered Christian? If I release a house version of “Father Figure” where I’m dressed on the cover in my see-through priest vestments from my porn revue of Tartuffe, is that Christian enough? Furthermore, do other religions get their own musical charts? A Jewish Billboard 100? A Voodoo Billboard 100? A B’Nai B’Chart? Help me out.

10. What could be a more hilariously unctuous Christian album title than A Messenger?

11. I admit that the contestants’ trip an elementary school where they taught kids to sing Phillip Phillips‘ “Home” was cute. If I were 7 and in that situation, I’d make Amber Holcomb read to me AND teach me to dance AND give me flriting tips. 

12. Lazaro looked a little clueless teaching that adorable girl to sing. Then I realized the adorable girl was teaching Lazaro.

13. I don’t think any of us need to hear “Home” again. Spare the children.

14. I don’t watch Smash (where I undersand Karen is an unlikable character?), so I get to have the opinion that Katharine McPhee is exceptionally talented, beautiful, and cool-seeming. Hope she remains a star for a long time.

15. Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic, I don’t watch Smash, but I hope Eileen Rand throws a drink in your face for stealing screentime from Kat McPhee.

15. Woah. With her short haircut, McPhee is a dead ringer for Norah Jones, who I consider to be the world’s first living sleeping pill. Careful, Kat.

16. I’ve brought this up before, but the vague, yet extreme tension between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey is no fun and really, really unprofessional. 

17. Keith Urban‘s performance. Uh? Do all country artists look like PacSun managers now? Just Keith?

18. Mariah waving around that “#1 Keith fan” sign? A weird new pathetic that I haven’t figured out yet.

19. Do we get a Nicole Kidman cameo soon? Y’all know I love her, right? Rabbit Hole is my favorite movie of the past five years. To Netflix with you!

20. Kree is the first contestant declared safe, and I declare myself unsafe at the sight of Devin’s amazingly tight jeans.

21. Candice is the second contestant declared safe. Is she gonna win this thing? For some reason it seems hard to picture, even if she is completely destined for the final two. 

22. Kree is sort of lucky her onstage fall (which occurred after she hugged Janelle for being declared safe) didn’t occur onscreen. Probably would’ve defined her for the rest of the season. Then again, Kree needs more identity. Stage a Marie Osmond-type fainting situation next week, girl!

23. Lazaro finds himself stuck in the bottom with Devin. Tune in for the second sentence of my new slashfic novel next week!

24. Mariah cries during Devin’s pretty-damn-spotless rendition of Perry Como’s “It’s Impossible.” It’d be an emotional song, except Devin is so ready for his elimination that he basically looks like Gary Gilmore up there waiting for Keith Urban to pick him off with a rifle. “Let’s do it!” Devin yells in both English and Spanish while Seacrest covers his face with a sack. 

25. The judges opt not to save Devin because he is 1) a boy, 2) Tintin, and 3) the very picture of an eighth-place American Idol contestant. It just suits him! Talent got him to the Top 10, but the prerequisites for superstardom kept him out of the Top 5. Nice kid, above-average blazers, can’t wait to date him for two months.
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  • virtel
  • March 29, 2013 5:26 am

Watch! Luke Macfarlane’s “Erection” Is Coming Soon

Below you can see the NSFW-ish trailer and a couple of hot pics from the short film Erection, which was completed last year and is slowly making the festival circuit. Starring out perfect man Luke Macfarlane, here’s the plot summary from IMDB:
Can Dean…

  • snicks
  • March 29, 2013 5:27 am

TV on Tap: FX Announces a Spin-Off Channel, “New Girl” Gets Taylor Swift, and Don’t Hope to See Sal Return to “Mad Men”

You wouldn’t want the network of Once Upon a Time to run out of Happy Endings would you?


The big news is that FX announced that the Fox Soccer channel will be turned into a sister channel of FX. FXX will focus on younger viewers than FX. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Legit and The League (which were all renewed for additional seasons) will move to the network along with Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell, which will become a daily late night talk show. Combined, the two networks (along with the movie-focused FXM channel) hopes to create 25 hours of original programming.

Meanwhile, the mothership FX has renewed Justified for a fifth season and ordered its first mini-series, a 10-episode adaptation of Fargo, which will follow the same basic characters dealing with a new crime. The channel is also developing a handful of potential series including a portrait of the settling of Plymouth Colony and an adaption of the British series Mad Dogs.

FX has also ordered a comedy pilot from Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind writer Charlie Kaufman. How and Why will follow a man who can explain how and why a nuclear reactor works (you see what they did?) but struggles through life.

Once Upon a Time and Covert Affairs hunk Eion Bailey is heading to Law & Order: SVU as an Iraq war vet who ends up as a key witness, according to The Hollywood Reporter. I’m pretty sure there aren’t any tropical waterfalls in New York, so I expect to be frustrated by this role.

Matthew Weiner knows Mad Men viewers want to see Sal return but actually bringing him back would ruin the artistic beauty of his exit. Or something.

Lifetime has cancelled America’s Most Wanted, according to TV Guide, though Lifetime is developing a series around host John Walsh that will try to continue Walsh’s work to fight crime.

Miramax and Martin Scorsese are thinking of turning Gangs of New York into a series, though a series would not focus on New York but the early days of organized crime in different cities, including New York.

David Krumholtz has joined the Ellie Kemper pilot Brenda Forever, TVLine reports. He’ll play a close friend of Kemper’s character in a guest role that could become recurring if it becomes a series.

Taylor Swift will appear in the finale of New Girl. Excuse me, I must go outside, shake my fist at the sky and scream “Why? Why?” now.

Deadline reports that, in a bit of amah-zing casting, the CBS comedy pilot Jacked Up has added Tyne Daly and Missi Pyle to a cast that already includes Patrick Warburton and Rob Huebel.

The Once Upon a Time spin-off (now titled Once: Wonderland) has cast a familiar face as the Knave of Hearts, casting Being Human (the original) alum Michael Socha in the role.

Friday’s Listings

Anderson Live (syndicated) Check local listings
Julianne Moore is supposed to bring a “big surprise” for Anderson today. I’m hoping she’s going to introduce her British identical twin to the world.

The Talk (CBS) Check local listings
Kristin Chenoweth is visiting for a chat today, making us all thankful for promotional TV tours.

Nikita (CW) 8:00 PM ET
Alex finds herself giving Nikita the “I don’t even know you anymore” face when Nikita sets up a mission to assassinate a world leader. Is Nikita turning into the monster they worked to destroy, or is there something more sinister at work?

Happy Endings (ABC) 8:00 PM ET
I’ll admit it, I’ve been a part of the problem. I may love Max, Penny and the gang, but my partner would rather watch New Girl or Go On, so I would catch Happy Endings whenever I could get the OnDemand to work. However, there’s no critically loved comedy pile up on Friday nights so I can go back to watching Happy Endings on the night it airs. It sounds like a good night with Max and Penny realizing that only black market cough medicine can get them to walk away from a bad habit, Max pretending to be straight for the sake of season tickets and Alex deciding to become a well-read woman of letters, tossing away that whole 21st century reincarnation of Gracie Allen thing she does so well. Oh, Alex, you can’t take all those future Butterfly Effect Effects away from me.

Degrassi (Teen Nick) 9:00 PME T
Why should “shedding your good girl image” be just for Disney Channel stars looking to signal they’re ready for the next stage in their career? Maya decides its the kind of thing Canadian high school girls can pursue, too, so she uploads a video of her wild behavior at a party. I have the feeling Tristan‘s going to be a part of this

Grimm (NBC) 9:00 PM ET
Sure, a lot of those wessen are traditionalists but Nick is about to encounter one who has made use of that newfangled internet. You know the one, it’s older than the history of gay relationships, along with cell phones.

Out There (IFC) 10:00 PM ET
Chris decides it’s time to stop making that face (where he isn’t rolling his eyes but he clearly communicates that he is totally annoyed enough to be rolling his eyes) at his mother’s boyfriend and decides to try to break them up.

Saturday’s Listings

Doctor Who (BBC America) 8:00 PM ET
So, Amy Pond turned out to be a companion that bored me silly, save for one episode, even if she had a lot of interesting qualities on paper (and a very charismatic actor), but Oswald? This feels like going from Rose to Martha, except without the barely-hidden racism from Who fandom. Of course, the Doctor only knows Oswald as an irrepressible, resourceful woman with a sly glance and an odd tendency to keep showing up (and dying) at different points in time, so first he has to unravel her mystery.

Supah Ninjas (Nick) 9:00 PM ET
Among the problems that you’re stuck with when you’re a ninja — having the birthday party you’re throwing for your dad interrupted by the Ishina.

Orphan Black (BBC America) 9:00 PM ET
BBC America’s second original series follows a woman, Sarah, who realizes there are a bunch of clones of her out there (or maybe she‘s one of those clones), leaving her with a mystery to unravel. This sounds like it will turn out to be deliriously crazy. I don’t know if it will also be good, but when you’ve got crazy you don’t need it to be good or bad for it be ridiculously fun.

The Nerdist (BBC America) 10:00 PM ET
Just because The Walking Dead is about to wrap doesn’t mean Chris Hardwick is done hosting a nerd-centric talk show. The first full season of The Nerdist has Dominic Monaghan, Matt Smith, Jenna-Louise Coleman, Orphan Black star Tatiana Maslany and comedian Matt Kirshen. I’ve liked Kirshen since his run on Last Comic Standing, but its been years since I’ve had the chance to watch him, even though my partner and I still quote his act.

Sunday’s Listings

Call the Midwife (PBS) Check local listings
PBS kicks off a new season of the postwar drama with Jenny Lee‘s birthday while Tixie and Sister Evangelina take an assignment that takes them on a Swedish ship. I haven’t had my chance to check out this drama but isn’t every episode supposed to prominently feature Chummy to make viewers happy?

Masterpiece Classic (PBS) Check local listings
In the quest for “the next Downton Abbey” PBS is turning to this period drama starring Jeremy Piven as Harry Gordon Selfridge, an American who opened a department store in 1908 London, taking advantage of the increasing freedom felt by women at the time. Of course, we’ll have to forgive Piven for Entourage before we can accept him as the next Matthew Crawley.

Ben Hur (Ovation) 8:00 PM ET
Ovation is celebrating Easter with a new four-hour interpretation of the story of Ben Hur with Joseph Morgan (you know, The Vampire DiariesKlaus) in the titular role with Alex Kingston, Hugh Bonneville, Emily VanCamp, Kristin Kreuk and Marc Warren helping make an impressive cast.

Doctor Who: The Doctors Revisited (BBC America) 8:00 PM ET
BBC America’s tribute to the long history of Doctor Who continues with a look at Jon Pertwee, the third Doctor, who is credited with adding action and stunts to the series.

Game of Thrones (HBO) 9:00 PM ET
Wait. Is it time for a new season of Game of Thrones, already? You mean I took a year to get through one episode? Well, this is going to be a challenge.

Revenge (ABC) 9:00 PM ET
I don’t know if Victoria is tempting fate, just replayed the Fable games or if she has a subtle and clever plan but it’s time to celebrate Halloween in the Hamptons with a masquerade ball, where she and Conrad are bound to be completely safe from The Initiative’s shenanigans when everybody is wearing masks.

Shameless (Showtime) 9:00 PM ET
Fiona decides that being mad at Jimmy counts as a reason for a camping trip. I presume that’s for the ability to say, “I wasn’t avoiding your calls, I had zero bars.”

The Walking Dead (AMC) 9:00 PM ET
As Rick‘s crew starts to prepare for an attack from The Governor, someone thinks of asking, “Do we really want to bother staying in this prison, anyway?” I hear The Governor knows a woman with a giant Cyberman so maybe they… oh, wait I’m mixing up my shows again.

The Good Wife (CBS) 9:00 PM ET
They’re back! Last time we saw Colin Sweeney (Dylan Baker), he managed to find a woman wearing tight enough crazypants that she liked the cut of Colin’s crazypants. It looks like Isobel (the faboo Morena Baccarin) has finally thought things through and realized her life might be in danger being married to a man who killed his first wife. I hope this doesn’t mean Isobel won’t have that twinkle of terrible terrible thoughts in her eyes this time.

Vikings (History) 10:00 PM ET
A prophet predicts doom, dooooom for the Jarl. That sounds like the kind of thing he’ll just take in stride, so I figure this will finally be the episode that essentially functions as a demonstration of Viking agricultural techniques. I hope that includes an act on Viking ale brewing .

What will you be watching this weekend? Please share in the comments!

Television Tags: 
Teaser Photo: 
  • LyleMasaki
  • March 29, 2013 4:38 am

Meme: “Teen Wolf” Not Holding Back On Gay Sex Scenes, GLAAD Honoring Adam Lambert, and “Husbands” Ready For Season Three

Teen Wolf is going to a full throated howl on same-sex loving this season. We aDannylready know that Danny will be dating one of the Alpha Twins played by Max and Charlie Carver, but we didn’t know how far they might take it. Jeff Davis says there will be some only-on-cable scenes between the boys. “I can’t say we go to Spartacus levels, but their sex scenes are treated just like any other sex scenes you’ve seen on our show.  I’ve always thought that if you present this idealized world where young gay men and women are no different from anyone else, and it’s not really questioned by the other characters, maybe life starts to imitate art and you begin to see that in the real world.”

Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo will reprise their roles in the reboot of National Lampoon’s Vacation, being a stop on Rusty’s (Ed Helms) road trip.

Rush Limbaugh appears to have given up, calling marriage equality inevitable. “We lost the issue when we started allowing the word ‘marriage’ to be bastardized and redefined. Once you decide to modify the word marriage then the other side has won. The best thing that marriage had going for it was basically what they teach you the first day in law school: If you hang on a horse the sign that says ‘Cow,’ it does not make it a cow.” Moooo!

Why SCOTUS taking the moderate path on marriage equality would be a disaster.

Adam LambertFor reasons I can’t quite understand, Atlas Shrugged 3 is going to be made.

GLAAD has announced they’ll be honoring Adam Lambert at their May 11 event in San Francisco, giving him their Davidson/Valentini Award.

The Harry Potter Alliance has come out for marriage equality. Because it’s what Dumbledore would have wanted. “Harry Potter’s eleven years living in a cupboard for his identity as a Wizard reminds us that no one should have to live inside of a closet for their identity. Dumbledore, and we as readers, understand with great sympathy those like Hagrid a half-giant and Lupin a werewolf, struggling to live in the closet because of their identity. Dumbledore allows for them to come to Hogwarts despite the objections of those who know of their identities – in the HPA we have spent years working to create an environment where those still living in and out of the closet because of their sexual orientation will not be legally subjected to existential intolerance and irrational prejudice.” The whole thing is a great read, with a long section on heterosexual privilege.

Harlem’s Chipped Cup Coffee put out a sign with a red equal symbol for equality, which caused a (former) customer to begin screaming obscenities and give them a terrible Yelp review. The internet responded in classic fashion, and positive reviews flooded Yelp.

Barbara Walters is reportedly planning on retiring in May. With her departure, plus Joy Behar and possibly Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the future of The View seems questionable.Husbands

Congratulations to Husbands team of Jane Espenson, Cheeks, and Sean Hemeon! With the news that the show is joining CW Digital now, they announced via email that they would be beginning work on Season 3 shortly.

Rob Reiner, cofounder of AFER, says that Dustin Lance Black is working on a screenplay for the Prop 8 case, with plans for Reiner to direct. The biggest obstacle is waiting for the Supreme Court to rule so that they know how it ends.

The Archbishop of New Orleans says that alligator is perfectly fine for Catholics to eat during Lent, because it’s a fish. Really.

Brad Pitt Vladimir Putin has issued orders for the nation to amend adoptions laws to ban same-sex couples from adopting Russian children.

Kirsten Dunst was only 11-years-old when she kissed Brad Pitt in Interview With The Vampire, and she remembers it like any young girl might. “Everyone at the time was like, ‘You’re so lucky you kissed Brad Pitt,’ but I thought it was disgusting.” Almost as surprising was her saying that Pitt watched a lot of The Real World on set.

 John Barrowman evidently likes to take stuffed animals with him when he flies

 Otherwise, he has to find someone else to snuggle with when he naps on the plane

 Ryan Murphy called this Glee doing Argo, but I’m completely confused by Blaine’s outfit

 Blake Skjellerup shows his true colors while cycling

 Buzzfeed has all the Glee characters in their Archie form. Odd they chose Kurt from season one

 Willie Nelson has always supported equality, but he comes out in a graphic way for Texas Monthly. “Absolutely. I never thought of  marriage as something only for men and women. But I’d never marry a guy I didn’t like.” Good advice, Willie.

Well, you didn’t think he’d play a comment like that completely straight, did you?

One of the great things about doing this column for so long is that so many of you know my favorite little things and send them to me when I would have missed them. I got this video of a Peep diorama from so many of you, I can’t begin to name you all, and I’m grateful, because I hadn’t found it. It’s a dysfunctional Congress of Peeps done in the style of the Despicable Me Minions, which make it three of my favorite things.


Every comic out there has bombed on stage at some point. Chris Hardwick is no exception, and he remembers the worst time being the second time he was on stage. Now one might expect to bomb when you’re a little green, but not when your first outing went extremely well, giving you way too much confidence.


I admit I didn’t use to think that much about googly eyes, but  then I followed Wil Wheaton on Twitter, and his wife Ann is obsessed with putting googly eyes on random objects in public, and it can lead to some really funny pictures. I’ve even thought about carrying a selection around with me. Buzzfeed has pulled together a few cute uses for the things.


Well, Broadway Bares 23 has named their theme for the year, and it’s United Strips of America, making it a road trip across the country, exploiting cowboys, fishermen, farmers, etc. It’s an idea that has some potential. And some hot men. And more women than I’m used to seeing.


Jimmy Kimmel sent his camera out on the street to ask people if they support marriage equality, and he had his audience guess which way the folks would fall on the issue. It’s harder to guess than it looks.


AirFasttickets is a Greek travel company that seems to want you to think that if you don’t book with them, you’ll end up hitchhiking, and get picked up by a predatory gay trucker. Since those are so common, outside 1970s gay porn. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?


Broadway Backwards of course reverses gender roles in plays and musicals for their annual fundraiser. Their version of “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” from Dreamgirls is completely amazing to watch, and a bit of a fantasy for many of us.


More Tags: 
Teaser Photo: 
  • lostinmiami
  • March 29, 2013 4:38 am